Guy's Perspective

I couldn't believe it when Heather told me we were having a baby. I think I said "You're f-ing lying!" about 20 times before I was able to understand that she wasn't playing a joke on me. I was in shock. I couldn't believe I was going to be a dad.

Heather was out of town when she told me she was pregnant, so I had several days to process this new information. I suppose it was a sort of guy instinct that whispered to me, telling me that I should get in as much video game time as possible before Heather came back, because that's basically all I did while she was gone. I had a hunch things would not be the same once Heather returned... and I was right.

I had a hard time, to be honest, during that first trimester. I had just spent a week and half going on all of the walks with the dogs while Heather was gone, and I was very much looking forward to her return so she could take care of at least one walk per day. The trouble with that idea was that when Heather got back, she was so tired that she was physically unable to muster the energy to take the dogs out. I responded in typical male style, I felt frustrated, not at Heather, but at the circumstances that had now changed so drastically, and I swallowed my frustration. I knew from reading the books that she really was extremely exhausted all the time. I knew the hard work her body was going through to create a safe healthy incubator for our baby. All of that knowledge didn't help quell those initial frustrations.

I eventually came to the realization that the major changes in my life that this baby was bringing had already begun. I shared my frustrations with Heather, as well as my new realization (perhaps a bit delayed in her mind) that life was going to be very different from now on. I started thinking more about money and things that I can do to be a supportive husband and a prepared dad. I remember sitting up until almost 3 a.m. one night reading and thinking about retirement and how my retirement and net worth will affect my child like 20 years from now. Nuts.

I think the initial frustrations are normal. For those of you men with kids, I'm wondering if you experienced similar feelings. For you men planning to have kids, don't be scared. It took me probably a few weeks too long to understand that I have a new set of priorities, but once that realization came, the cross was easier to bear. Also, at the risk of sounding unmannish or whatever, whatever problems we think we have as males adjusting to a pregnant wife, they really are going through a ton of $#!+ that we cannot comprehend.

We are now halfway through our pregnancy, and it is very exciting. Heather's energy is back, and Lily is starting to make her presence known. Right now, I'm looking forward to being able to feel Lily move. Heather has been feeling Lily move for probably a couple of weeks now, but I won't be able to feel our little girl for another 2-3 weeks. For now, I'll have to settle for listening to Lily's hearbeat on the Doppler device, and hoping she's listening when I talk to her.

I'd like to echo Heather's thanks to all of our friends and family. I don't know what we'd do without your love, support, and encouragement. We love you all very much.

Til next time...